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The Healthy and Unhealthy Masculine and Feminine: An Easy Guide


Whether you are in a Male or Female body, you carry both Masculine and Feminine energy.

What we see in our current society is a lot of unhealthy Masculine and Feminine energy. The unhealthy energies are what we are taught through the education system, it’s how our economical structures and government systems run, it’s also a result of the lack of teachings that exist on healthy relationships and love and also because of what we inherit from our parents who also weren’t taught otherwise.

Who is the Unhealthy Masculine?

He is:

  • Competitive; constantly striving and wants to win
  • Attached to success; focused on goals
  • Cold and distant; avoids connection
  • Contracting; takes everything personally
  • Needing to be right; blames, shames, tames
  • Afraid of failure; defends himself, attacks, accuses
  • An under connector; can’t ask for what he needs or show emotion
  • Moving away from love; runs away, withdraws, creates separation
  • A bully/aggressive; critical, condoning, condemning
  • Narcissistic; selfishness, motivated by power
  • Apathetic; no interest or concern about others
  • Mr Fix It; can’t really listen, stuck in the mind
  • Reactive; selects, distorts, provokes
  • Bypassing the emotional body; with addictions- work, drugs, alcohol, tv, other worlds
  • Stuck in the mind; unable to be present with what is
  • Living with an unhealthy internal feminine; serious, rigid, controlling

Who is the Unhealthy Feminine?

She is:

  • Insecure; seeks outside validation
  • Critical; her loved ones can’t do anything right
  • Needy; “please love me”
  • Projecting; her emotional body blows up in chaos
  • Manipulative; she covertly works towards getting what she wants
  • Afraid of loss; pulls on love, has insecure attachment
  • Over connects; always talking about her emotions and what she needs
  • Chasing love; obsessive, her actions are directed towards keeping her man
  • A victim; runs a poor me story
  • Self sacrificing; she prioritises others at the expense of self
  • A care taker; she’s more concerned on others’ happiness than her own
  • Inauthentic; the outside doesn’t match the inside
  • Desperate; tries to find safety outside herself
  • Flooded by her emotional body; cannot raise energy into heart and third eye
  • Stuck in the feeling realm; unable to be rational and witness
  • Unhealthy internal masculine; she has no boundaries or self control

Who is the Healthy Feminine?


  • Is grounded; receptive, reflective, has strong boundaries and gracious strength
  • Is compassionate; loving, understanding, empathetic, caring and supportive
  • Asks for what she needs; she expresses her needs from a place of self-love and self-worth
  • Is vulnerable: she expresses authentically from her heart without shame
  • Vibrates with energy and sound; she turns heads just by being her, she is confident and moves intuitively
  • Shares her strong wisdom; she shares valuable lessons from experience and from the heart
  • Flows; she’s surrendered, trusting, flexible, open
  • Is playful; she’s expressive, joyful, fun, light, sensual, affectionate, loves to love
  • Creates/Births; new beginnings, sound, art, dance, touch, manifesting power
  • Is authentic; she knows who she is and isn’t afraid to be that with everyone
  • Manifests and generates; growth, change, transformation
  • Connects and weaves; family, tribe, sisterhood, support
  • Trusts her intuition; over the mind
  • Attunes; to people and situations

Who is the Healthy Masculine?


  • Holds space; is present with and allowing of whatever arises
  • Witnesses without judgement; acknowledges, validates, sees beyond the story
  • Creates safety; is deeply present without a goal
  • Responds rather than reacts; has learnt to not take things personally
  • Holds stillness and silence; reflective, internal, peaceful, grounded
  • Guides; supportive, encouraging, clear reflection
  • Disciplines; Father energy, focused, certain
  • Is present; listens deeply, not distracted or thinking about what to say
  • Knows Death; Faces fear, transcendent, stable, solid
  • Has truth/integrity; committed to personal truth, not swayed by others
  • Is doing from a place of being; more like New Zealand than New York
  • Is of service; asks what is in the interest of the highest good
  • Seeks mentoring; he is humble
  • Has awareness; he observes beyond what meets the eye

When we are radically brave enough to let go of the outer masculine and allow the inner masculine to rise, a feminine who is no longer wounded can awaken. She looks out into the world with new eyes; eyes that see the world not from the lenses of seeking love, but from the lenses of knowing. A knowing that courses through the cosmos and earth and streams into her veins. She is seeing that there is really no rest for the feminine with the broken-open heart, for she never knows when love will need her. And she is willing to keep loving, to keep breaking open, not only to put an end to her own suffering but to help put an end to the suffering in others.

When our feminine is held by the healthy masculine inside of us, who commits to loving her no matter what, she finally feels the safety she needs to grow up and see the world from eyes that know it is all a big fucking illusion. Love is the only thing that is real. And then, the feminine is free! In my personal and professional experience, what I have noticed is that when the Healthy Masculine is cultivated in a woman, her Healthy Mature Feminine blossoms and rises.

What happens when we have an inner Healthy Masculine and Healthy Feminine?

You can expand into wholeness, united, as a Sovereign being.  The more you integrate, the more beautiful life becomes; the more you integrate, the more love showers on you.. It becomes more colorful, more alive, more rewarding. The ordinary world suddenly starts changing into something extraordinary. The mundane becomes the sacred.

If you would like to develop your own inner union, please come along to one of my upcoming Workshops or see me for a private session by contacting me here.

Love Chantelle

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