A big part of feeling rooted, safe and grounded in the world is being a whole person rather than seeking the missing part outside of ourselves. Most relationships are based on finding someone to “complete us” which only leads to co-dependency and then a lack of safety within whenever the person we are depending on isn’t with us. In order to feel whole, in order to feel safety within, we need to cultivate both our masculine and our feminine energies.
Just like we have outer coupling, we also have inner coupling and the strength and fluidity of our outer coupling is a reflection of our inner reality. By integrating the missing pieces of these two energies, you will cultivate relationships that reflect the love, ease and unity within your own Being and end the relationships that don’t.
In last week’s blog I shared how to cultivate healthy masculine energy including exploring, questioning and healing your ideas and feelings towards your own father; embracing focused, direct, forward movement; holding space; becoming a good listener and staying present.
In this blog, I share some powerful ways to cultivate healthy feminine energy.
CULTIVATING HEALTHY FEMININE ENERGY
1. Explore your sexuality and creativity
Pure sexuality is the level I am referring to here and is the pulse that animates all of existence. In fact, sexuality permeates and creates all things animate and inanimate. In Sanskrit, this vast creative/sexual principle is called Shakti. Creativity and sexuality are two twin expressions of Shakti, and ultimately they are the same. Shakti also means power. The Deep Feminine is the power that creates or manifests all of life. She is the Mother of all of creation, often depicted as a many-armed goddess. With some of her arms she is creating abundance, and with others she is slaying demons – illusions.
2. Develop a strong friendship circle
The people you surround yourself with influence and impact your life so much. Having friends that stand behind you and hold your heart is such an amazing feeling. We can feel hurt, broken, insecure and helpless and a true friend will be there no matter what. They love you and have your back. They want you to be the best version of yourself that you can be. There is no better inspiration than what comes from friends who love and support each other in all that they do. Friends who hold you accountable for your actions are the best ones to have. Friendship also offers fun, comfort, love, acceptance – you can totally be yourself around your friends and enjoy the playfulness and intimacy of the feminine.
- Be kind to yourself
Ask yourself throughout the day – “what would loving myself sound and look like right now?” With words and actions. Removing the word “should” from your vocabulary is a great start. When you notice that you are doubting yourself or beating up on yourself, replace the negative script with a more positive one. For instance: instead of thinking of all the ways you could have done better, remind yourself, “I did the best I could do at that time,” and offer yourself compassion. Sit with yourself, flaws and all, with an open heart – that is compassion- and do things that make you feel good instead of punishing yourself.
- Spend time in nature
As well as providing us with vitamin D, fresh air and naturally enhancing our mood, nature offers us the gift of dropping into our feminine sensuality and receptivity if we are really alive in our bodies when we are outside. The feeling of the breeze on our skin, the smell of the earth, the beauty blossoming around us, the sound of the birds chirping, trees rustling and water flowing…mmm so yummy. Nature allows the most delightful sensual interaction with earth, air, fire and water elements. The earth is alive and she teaches us so much about the feminine.
- When you walk, be in your body and not in your mind
An embodied walk is similar to a child – where your attention is totally focused on sensation in this present moment – what you feel, see, hear, taste and smell. In the present moment, as you walk, you feel your body moving through space. You are aware of your feet pressing onto the ground and you feel the sensations that meet the soles of your feet. You allow your awareness to drop down into the earth and to rise up into the sky. You notice the landscape around you, the sky above you, the people who meet you and the sounds that surround you. You welcome them all.
- Celebrate and surround yourself in beauty
Allow yourself to enjoy beautiful sensual pleasures whether it is a warm bubble bath, oils or fragrances you like, lovely feeling clothes or delicious food. Sensually explore the beauty of your own body and the body of others through touch. When you wash yourself, do it with the energy of gratitude and appreciation.
- Allow yourself to create
When we are out of touch with healthy feminine, we do not allow ourselves to create. Any kind of creative outlet will benefit you as long as you enjoy it. Start to notice the creative power of every slight gesture you make and notice what you are birthing. The power of creation, of birthing new things is your birth right. What are you birthing? Start reflecting on this every day.
- Get in touch with your intuition and receptivity
When you are in your feminine, you are in a receptive state of being. Receptivity means listening to your inner voice, listening to others and allowing self-nurture. Challenge yourself to lovingly show up for others through really receiving them and responding intuitively rather than through worrying, rescuing or caretaking.
- Learn to love your body
If you’re tired of the self-hate game and ready to begin taking care of yourself; stop comparing yourself to others (especially pictures on social media), eat intuitively rather than obsessively, wash and dress yourself lovingly, look into your eyes when you look in the mirror and notice your radiance rather than your flaws!
- Reach out
Next time you are feeling down and want to isolate, or feeling lonely and uninspired, do something you enjoy with friends and family or turn to someone for support. Catch up with other people in this course and open your heart to someone new. Some of the closest friendships are formed through these Living Tantra Courses.
- Earth breathing
Take some deep breaths, through your belly and all the way into the earth. Imagine that you can breathe right into the earth and that your body is an extension of the earth. You are breathing with the earth as one breathing body. Feel the sensations of the breath pulsing through your body, and imagine or feel them running through the earth as well. Now gently start to move your body in a way that feels tender and opening – something simple like rocking. Notice what sensations open up in your body. Now open your mouth, relax your lungs and take in as deep a breath as you can. Let the breath fall out with a sigh. Keep breathing in this way. Listen to the sigh of your out-breath and notice how the sound of it blends in with the sounds around you. Keep breathing, and listen to the sounds inside your body. Become aware of the tastes inside your mouth and savour the discovery. Notice the smells, sights and sounds in your environment. Putting judgment and preference aside, simply stay open to sensation and drink nature in through your body with the breath. Take some time to notice how this increased sensory awareness feels in your body. RECEIVE.
- Consciously release your mother
Change your automatic unconscious responses that imitate your mother. When you feel something is not working in your life, ask yourself: am I dealing with this situation like my mother would or am I dealing with this situation like my own healthy feminine would?
- Intention on wellbeing
Focus on health and feeling good rather than image. Focus on the way being healthy makes you feel and what it gives you. Feed your body nourishing food so that you always feel your best, and remove the worries of disease, putting on weight and poor health. Exercise to feel good and to release happy chemicals rather than to just to look better. Treat yourself the way you’d treat someone you love. Look in the mirror every day and repeat the phrase “I am deserving and worthy of feeling amazing and healthy and energised.” Ironically enough, focusing on loving and caring for yourself first will most likely lead to the external transformation that you’ve always wanted. Once you begin to treat yourself with the respect and care that you deserve, the habits needed for physical transformation develop naturally. You’ll want to nourish your body because you are grateful for it, so healthy choices will come with ease. Before you know it, you’ll see your body transform, and not just in fat/muscle composition, but a healthy glow from the inside out. You want to look in the mirror, smile, and be happy with what you see, no matter what you see. Most of your beauty is the light that shines from within.
- Tonglen meditation for opening the heart
Lie back, with your body flat and open (no crossed limbs). Start to breathe through an open mouth – this helps to let the feelings flow. Begin by becoming aware of any heartache you may be feeling. If you do not have any specific cause of heartache at the moment, feel into your whole life, connecting with any experiences from your past where the pain of the heart has not been fully accepted and felt. Remember times when you have been slighted, rejected or misunderstood. Connect with past relationships – the pain of things not working out, of breaking up. Feel into your childhood, into your first experiences with your parents and siblings. When did you first feel rejected, abandoned or betrayed by them? Feel into your early childhood, with friends and at school. What experiences were painful for you there? Perhaps you were mocked or humiliated. What were your first encounters with boys and men like? Or with girls and women? Is there pain there that needs to be felt? Every time you feel a wave of pain coming towards your heart, breathe in. Breathe in the pain. If you feel you need more than one in-breath to take in that dose of pain, focus on the in-breath for a few breaths. Then breathe out. You have felt the pain; now all that leaves with the out-breath is love. Feel the love flooding out of your heart with the out-breath, seeping through your being and out into the world. Again, with the in-breath, take in the next dose of heartache. Feel the pain in your chest. It is really helpful to put some physical pressure on the sternum with the in-breath to help you mark the pain. Every time you breathe out, let whatever is left in the heart, flow out freely. Bless the world with the love that has been generated in your heart. Bless your own body. Continue this meditation for 20 minutes. You may want to do it for longer if you feel like it. It’s a beautiful practice to fall asleep to at the end of a day.