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Enticing Desire: Learning How to Think & Feel More Sexy


Learning how to feel sexy isn’t just about what you look like, no matter how much our culture is glued to that belief. Learning to feel sexy is also about how you think and feel about yourself.

There is a direct correlation between negative self-image and how sexy you are. Often, us women think that sexiness is about how flawless we look, but what’s really sexy about a woman is how confidently she carries herself and how well you can resolve the negative thoughts swirling around in your head. When you feel sexy in your own skin, that energy radiates out and magnetises people towards you. The messages you tell yourself radiate out and affect everything – from the way you carry yourself to how often you smile and how well you can relax into your body.

If you feel very far away from feeling sexy in your own skin, use the principal of “fake it ’til you make it”.  Tell yourself “I am a sexy, beautiful, juicy woman”, “My body is exquisite to touch” and bring someone into mind that you think is totally sexy and pretend that you are them! Call them into your body. You’re just trying on a different persona, have fun with it.

Play the part of “sexy” till you become the part and get some new sexy items that will compliment your new mindset.  This can help even the most stubborn of clients when I’m helping them to connect with their more sexy self and they notice a BIG difference!  Try it.  Carry yourself as though you are the sexiest woman alive and buy some new clothes to go with the new you.

Here are some other ways to help you think and feel more sexy:

1. Embrace Who You Are

Grab onto whatever bits you tend to consider imperfect or not sexy and tell that flesh, out loud, that you love, cherish, respect and honour it, and let it know that it’s absolutely perfect just the way it is. The more you say it, the more you’ll believe it.  You can do this when you say your affirmations in your daily practice while looking in the mirror. Add whatever affirmations suit your personal edges. For instance, if you really don’t like your nose, you can say “This nose is beautifully unique and I embrace it. I love my nose.  It’s perfect just as it is.  It goes perfectly with my lips and my eyes. It helps me to smell beautiful things and brings me pleasure.”

2. Work on Loving the Person in the Mirror

Every time you look in the mirror, notice your thoughts and what you focus on.  Do you focus on what’s beautiful about you or do you focus on what you don’t like?  Feel the response of your body when you are in gratitude of yourself.  Feel the joy soak through and ooze out again to all around you. Be gentle and nurturing to yourself and say as you look into the eyes reflecting back to you “I love you, I really really love you.”  Then touch the parts that you really love and focus on them.  “I love my hair, I love my eyes, I love my lips, I love my ass…” Give those parts love and appreciation with your hands and your inner dialogue. Again, fake it till you make it if you have to.  Be patient with yourself.  Learning to truly love yourself takes time.  You will get there.

3. Self-Pleasure

Self-Pleasure will help you to open in ways you never imagined possible!  You will learn to be your own beloved and best lover. You will get to know yourself. You will heal the neediness in you that relies on outside validation, desire and approval for your self-esteem.  You will start to feel how sexy and delicious a woman’s body is beyond what it looks like. You will ignite your sexuality so much more and start to feel more alive.  You will appreciate yourself, feel intimate with yourself and begin to relax so much more deeply into your body, into your sexuality. You can read more about how to be your own lover in my previous blog “Lover….” HERE.

4. Relax into Your Body

Women who are relaxed are much sexier than women who are up tight!  The simple act of breathing into your body, relaxing, accepting yourself as you are and accepting life as it is, is a tremendous first step toward a surrendered, receptive, sexy posture.  While it’s easier said than done in a hi-tech world full of stress, deadlines and an inflated sense of urgency about practically everything, once you’ve mastered the art of relaxing, a whole new world opens up. Feel your longing, the air on your skin, the sun on your face.  Hear the trees moving in the breeze, feel the water against your skin, taste every morsel of food.  The more you relax and open your senses, the more your body opens and magnetises people towards you.  As you relax, you will also naturally start to enjoy being in the moment!  You may be surprised how much sexier and alluring you are when you relax.

5. Dress Sexy

Have you ever noticed that when you are wearing something sexy it changes your whole energy? The transformations I see when I help women dress sexier is unbelievable!  They start to feel sexier within their own bodies, they see the improvement when they look in the mirror and they receive a flood of compliments that they usually wouldn’t receive.  It is great for their self esteem really makes them feel and look so much sexier. Choose clothes that fit you properly and accentuate your assets.  You don’t have to spend a million bucks to look great. You can spend wisely and still look sexy – you just need to explore what works for you. Also choose clothes that FEEL GOOD on your body – material that feels yummy on your skin, including super sexy lingerie. If you are in a relationship, don’t fall into the tracksuit pant curse or always wearing baggy clothes.  Just like we want our partner to keep communicating and showing up in romantic presence, they want us to keep making an effort and enticing their desire.

6. Grooming and Beautifying

The divine feminine is known as beauty incarnate. This means it is time to appreciate and celebrate beauty in your life. Does your life reflect sensual pleasure? If not, it is time for a reset. When you start dressing better, you will start to notice a lot of second glances and start to feel better in your body. Don’t stop there though. Groom yourself. Get a flattering hairstyle, a few classy perfumes or beautiful oils that smell great on you, and all the other works.  Moisturise your body, put some serum in your hair so that its nice and glossy, maybe even paint your nails and buy some stay sexy stay ups and high heels. In short, explore your sensuality. Don’t do all of these things only to entice another person’s desire. Also do it for YOU with the intention to highlight your femininity.

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A big part of the women’s movement in the 60’s was about rejecting the traditional view of femininity. Women started dressing and acting more like men, burning their bras in public demonstrations. Dressing sexy, grooming, beautifying, enticing desire was definitely not high on the priority list! The thing about life though, is that if we are committed to living the kind of life that makes us happy, we need to commit to the beliefs and practices that add to our own happiness. Not the beliefs and practices of anyone else. So, explore!  Have fun with getting into your feminine prowess and if you don’t feel better in your own skin and more joyful for doing something, then don’t do it. We simply need to be very honest with ourselves about what does and does not work for us. So take some time to feel and think into your sexiness, play with what works for you and see where it takes you!

With Love,

Xx Chantelle

Chantelle Raven

Chantelle Raven

Chantelle raven is a gifted healer and sought after international speaker on sacred relationship and sacred sexuality. Her mission is providing education in radical self-responsibility and the sacred dance of masculine and feminine within and without.