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From Firey Fights to Empathetic Understanding: Keys for Conscious Communication


Someone’s hurt your feelings. They’ve managed to grip right at your vulnerability, your insecurity and twisted. You’re feeling offended, judged, shamed, unseen…

Sometimes we fly off the handle when we meet behavior that hurts.

How dare they!

And we want to return a cruel favour: to show them just how stupid they’ve been, how immature, insensitive, and mean they are.

The thing with conflict is sometimes the situation is a reflection of where you’re at with yourself.

If you’re annoyed at this person for judging you, ask yourself am I being judgmental toward myself?

If you’re annoyed because you feel they’ve being unaccepting of you, ask yourself am I truly accepting this part of myself?

Sometimes the hurt part of us wants to lash out because we’re in pain.

This ultimately never serves you or anyone else. It just ends up with more tightness, constriction, and separation.

When you’ve just heard those infuriating/painful/judgmental words, pause.

Take a few breaths. Feel yourself connect to the earth, even for an instant.

Contact your ability to communicate consciously: let them know what you want, what you need, what that’ll give you.

For example,

I want to feel more understanding and empathy from you.

I need to feel a sense of acceptance and love.

That’d give me the feeling that you care and I’m loved.

Share this by speaking from your vulnerability—it’s way more powerful than expletives and well-crafted cruelty. This is the tender part of yourself beyond your ego preserving your dignity, or attempting to get one-up. This is where your soul speaks and says what it’s really feeling.

Speak from a sense of groundedness. If you don’t think you can right now, ask for some time out. Pause (for as long as you need) and come back to it. Taking time is also a great way of claiming power with maturity and care (for yourself and them).

And if you’re feeling all sorts of aggression, rage, or shame, that’s ok. Don’t spiritually bypass that stuff either. Take some sacred time to drop down beyond the mind and into the body.

Close your eyes, breathe, move, make sound. Let the body’s knowledge speak—what’s really going on? What’s been stirred for you? Explore and process your emotion safely through breath, sound and movement, express emotion with a pillow. Having a friend or practitioner to support you helps.

Sometimes people don’t know how to consciously communicate. They don’t know how to best express where they’re at, how sorry they are, how to say they understand how you feel.

Communicating from your vulnerability can be a moment where you can demonstrate what conscious communication looks like. This is the stuff that changes the world! Giving people the experience of what conscious relating looks, sounds and feels like. And you’re able to express what you want and need and get some productive shifts in the conversation.

May you speak from your heart and let your conversations, conflicts and resolutions be heart- and world-changing. There’s lightness, power and connection for you there!

Picture of Chantelle Raven

Chantelle Raven

Chantelle raven is a gifted healer and sought after international speaker on sacred relationship and sacred sexuality. Her mission is providing education in radical self-responsibility and the sacred dance of masculine and feminine within and without.