How is the communication between you and your beloved? Or how is the communication when you are in partnership?
There are so many rules on communication that we put on ourselves, on each other and that we read/hear about in workshops and books.
To name a few:
~ Hold space and witness without judgement
~ Share how you feel without going into story
~ Ask for what you need rather than making the other wrong
~ Be vulnerable rather than having your guard up
~ Use a quiet, controlled, respectful voice and tone
~ Don’t take jabs at each other or shame and blame one another
~ Be present rather than being stuck in the past
~ Don’t interrupt and practice active listening
~ Put yourself in the other persons shoes
~ Don’t withdraw or give each other the silent treatment
~ Sit close while you are talking and bring in touch
And the list goes on.
To any of you who actually manage this list…congratulations!! You must have either had very healthy role modelling as a child, or you are a saint!!!
For most of us, whilst we have very good intentions of practicing the above “rules” of healthy communication, at the end of the day, when the emotional body is activated, the unconscious child takes over and it all goes to shit. We either want to run because we are scared of losing ourselves, or we over-connect because we are scared of losing the other. We defend, attack, explain and complain and go into battle as to who is right and why. In essence, we deflect what the other person is saying, rather than considering (you can read more on how to practice Reflection Rather Than Deflection in my previous blog here.)
The only way forward in healthy communication, as I see it, is to focus on the communication that is happening internally. The questions then become:
~ Am I feeling my pain rather resisting it?
~ Am I nurturing and loving myself through the pain with kindness to myself rather than being attached to being right or someone else making it all better for me?
~ How is my inner marriage/sacred union? That is, how connected is my masculine and my feminine?
“Truth is not to be found outside. No teacher, no scripture can give it to you. It is inside you and if you wish to attain it, seek your own company. Be with yourself.”
This is why, in our workshops, rather than just teaching you how to communicate with one another, we teach you how to communicate with your Self…with your own body, heart and consciousness. We teach you how to connect with your pain, with your fears and desires, feel it all, remember the love that you are and then connect with others and the world from this place of wholeness.
The soul who no longer looks outside of themselves for love/acceptance/status/freedom because they already have it inside of themselves, is no longer continually asking: “what can I get?” but rather “what can I give to myself, those I love and the world at large to bring more love, joy, ease and power to the planet?”
Resolving conflict in your relationships and life from this paradigm, becomes less about who is doing what and more about growing up the parts of us that are desperately wanting and needing love from the most important person in your life: YOU
When we have a healthy internal relationship we no longer fall apart when the outer relationship is not “showing up”, because our own inner masculine energy is holding space, creating safety and witnessing without judgement.
If you’d like to embody a healthier inner union you can join us for an embodied experience at Fundamentals of Tantra, a weekend workshop in December for men & women, couples & singles – that is your gateway to understanding and embodying Tantric principles to access your primordial energy force. Over two days, you will learn how to reside in a state of being rather than doing, awakening to a new level of consciousness that is heart connected, fluid, spontaneous, mysterious and free. How to make your inner relationships more intimate, meaningful, and enlivening, as well as your outer relationships, and finally how to powerfully attract everything and everyone you desire in life.
Please join us if you feel called.