If we are living out of reaction, as soon as we are upset we blame, shame or try to tame the person who we have perceived has caused this upset.
We are in fight or flight mode. We want to regain the power we have lost (which is due to the fact that we cannot cope with what’s going on in our nervous system) by fighting (blaming, shaming, taming) and/or taking flight (leaving, withdrawing, punishing) instead of reclaiming our power by doing the inner work.
When we are responsible for our emotions (i.e. respond-able) we do the inner work! We commit to raising out of the lower reactive centres into the heart and into awareness.
So how do we do this?
Firstly, by recognising that we are upset because something is out of alignment with our desires.
Secondly by being present to our less pleasant emotions.
So what does that look like?
We allow the fight or flight to run through our nervous system very gently without having to actually act on it. So instead of fighting someone or running from someone, we stay and we shake, or cry, we move, sound and release tension out of our body. We allow ourselves to be fully present, totally out of control and authentic. This stops us from going into freeze and abandoning ourselves. In this process we are exhaling for longer than we are inhaling and calming ourselves to a place where our we can lift into a higher state of awareness.
From this place we can either (1) ask for what we need with love and maturity or (2) realise that the upset had nothing to do with the other person and was actually designed to get us in touch with a core belief or expectation within ourselves that needs shifting.
Both enable you to be on a journey of self healing, where you no longer need to project your emotions onto others whenever you feel upset by their actions.
The end result?
Love in action rather rather living in re-action. Compassion rather than judgement.
Re-action happens when we are stuck in the past, re-living a past action of someone’s and being a victim.
Love in action is being present.
It asks: What is in alignment with love? What would love do now?
For more on shifting core beliefs that no longer serve you and asking for what you need from a mature respond-able place, please join my upcoming 8 week course in February 2017, LIFE TANTRA; an amazing way to begin a NEW year! The first course sold out very quickly so if you want to join us, book your spot soon!