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How is your relationship to letting go of control?
I am really moving through this piece at the moment.
I have always been someone who likes to plan things, to know what’s coming next. I like to have every detail organised before I step into something, and what’s more, I also like to know all the “escape routes” ahead of time, especially when comes to relationships, so that if something goes wrong, or I feel uncomfortable I know how to “get out”.
In my work life, I spend most of my time focussed on these things. Planning, details, future thinking, past reflecting, strategizing, and trying to make calculated steps forward.
I don’t spend much time in the present.
This week however, I went back into the creative studio to start making a new performance work about fertility, motherhood and making choices, and the first few days have been incredibly uncomfortable for me.
I have had to, at times, force myself away from the computer, from the schedules, from the planning, and up onto the floor, into the present moment, which comes with a huge amount of unknowing and uncertainty. It feels scary and clunky.
To be creative, we have to be in a state of presence, of openness, of receiving. The feminine, you could say.
The masculine is incredible for getting things done but the state of feminine surrender is where I would like to create from. She is the creative force, after all. She is where the magic lies. To get to this state requires me to let go, to surrender control, and to find a place of trust in the unknown. I am still learning, relearning and reminding myself that I know how to do this.
How comfortable are you with these spaces?
In the following passages, Chantelle Raven shares some wisdom on the art of letting go of control and coming into a place of surrender.
-Erin Fowler
“Let come what comes, let go what goes. See what remains.”
~ Ramana Maharshi
Perhaps “letting go” of control and letting go of trying to figure it all out could be your intention today…or every day? Letting go is probably one of the most single important arts, and yet one of the most difficult to put into practice…IF we do not bring it into our embodied awareness.
Next time you are feeling uncomfortable, anxious or stressed… Breathe. Listen to your body. Let go. Get out in nature and surrender to her mystery, the knowing that you know nothing. It is then that magic happens. Ironically, when we let go of control, life stops controlling us and we see how futile fighting for control really is. Life will happen as it will…trust it. Surrender to the natural flow.
Surrender is a deep let go. It is the opposite of control. When you control, your ego comes in and you are moving against the flow of the universe. When you control, you are not choosing to relax and trust. When you surrender however, you naturally relax, you naturally trust, and you know that it is not up to you to decide where life goes. You decide instead to go with life.
There is less agenda and more trust. If you have a lot of agenda, you are bound to control. Instead of controlling where your life goes, allow love and energy to flow and surrender into that flow. If you surrender, you accept whatever is before you and happening around you.
This is what Tantra means by total acceptance. Once you accept life in its totality, amazing things start happening because this surrender frees you from your egoic control. With this freedom comes heaven on earth because you are no longer creating problems for yourself by trying to control everything and everyone around you.
If you cannot surrender, you will always have problems, because control is the original source of them. The non-surrendering egoic control is resisting the flow of life rather than accepting it, which creates suffering.
It is the same with sex. If you try to control your sexual experience, especially by being fixated on achieving orgasm, you will not be able to surrender to the waves of each moment. If you have something to achieve, you cannot trust and surrender.
Surrender means: you leave that achieving, grasping mind that is always trying to get something. Instead, you allow love, sex and life to flow freely, just as the wind is flowing through the trees; you have no resistance. Wherever energy and life leads, you are willing to move. You have no agenda.
Tantra says: things happen when you do not expect them, things happen when you do not force them, things happen when you are not controlling.
Surrender means: you are not controlling pleasure and happiness; pleasure and happiness happen when you let go of control and all resistance.
When we can let go of control, we can actually love life!
There is such a huge difference between thriving and surviving. I used to hold a belief that surviving meant thriving, but I realise now, that when I was in constant survival mode, I was not thriving at all. I was just controlling my experience so I could “secure” my future.
Only in letting go of control am I freed up to let life guide that way – and it does a pretty good job, even when it is not satisfying our preferences and shaking up our illusory sense of security.
Thriving is in the full taste of this moment – in the mystery of whatever is unfolding.
Feeling safe to stay with it all; the profound reality of this human experience.
Safety to BE in the body is so much more fulfilling than chasing security.
Security depends on the external.
Safety depends on the internal.
It asks of you: how well you can be with and listen to your own heart, body and soul?
The more I open to this moment, the more that old ways of making things happen fall away. In fact, the old ways of controlling, stressing and striving just feel like a distraction. There is no greater perfection than the aliveness that uncoils in the here and now.
Life is birthing itself into being, in each moment. Struggling and work obsession is no longer something I equate with success. Focusing on the future is not interesting any more. What is interesting is saying yes to however life is presenting itself, and fully trusting that.
Saying yes to the inspiration and the aliveness of THIS moment – not forcing anything.
The me who believes she has to know, struggle, plan and have all the answers is slowly dying. When she comes up, I can love her, but now I give her what she needs instead of the control she so desperately wants.
And when I bring her into my heart, what does she need? Full surrender.
I surrender to the truth of having no control, of not knowing – and like a wide-eyed child, marvel at the taste of life right now, just as it is. Feeling profoundly supported on seen and unseen levels. And trusting deeply that all is revealing itself in divine perfection. It always does in the end. No matter how pleasurable or painful something is, it’s all perfect.
The DOING that arises from BEING is so much more inspiring, productive and easeful. I used to be afraid that if I went with the flow too much, I wouldn’t be preparing for the best “future”. Quite the contrary. Since relaxing, letting go and allowing, life has never been more productive, abundant, joyful and filled with opportunity.
Try it yourself!
See what happens.
THE MOTHER, the universal mother, is the best mother in the world and she is ALWAYS there for us to help bring us back into our centre. Try curling up in her rocks, laying or sitting you body against her trees or just grounding into and feeling her beautiful clearing earth energy with your bare feet on the earth.
Mmmmm, inhaling the energy of Father Sky down the front of your body into your pelvic floor connecting it to the earth, grounding, holding…. then exhaling, letting go out the back of your spine, out your crown right back up to the infinite.
Feel yourself getting closer and closer to Peace as you continue with this breath circulation until you’re totally free of the small self/mind and all of drama/controls/worries.
Ahhhhh, it feels so good. Such a beautiful way to let go, to connect to Spirit and remember our true nature, Love, which we can then radiate out to the world.
Give thanks for the Breath. Give thanks for the Mother, the Father and the union of Shiva and Shakti.
With Love, Raven & Erin
Surrender Towards the Whole Universe
Shifting From Control To Trust
Control, Trauma & The Art of Loving Men (Podcast)
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