Tantric Orgasm for Women

The topic of sex and pleasure often brings up fear and self-judgement for many people.

This can stem from societal or parental conditioning, past negative experiences, or misinformed education. Unfortunately, most people’s education on sex is quite limited. While schools teach about protection and consent, they rarely address how to truly open a woman’s body, how to quiet the mind during sex, how to make pleasure a full-body experience, or how to deepen intimacy during lovemaking.

Before discovering Tantra, I viewed sexuality like many people do: as a goal-driven act, focused on reaching orgasm and pleasing my partner. While I always enjoyed sex, it often felt mechanical. We knew exactly which buttons to push to arouse each other, and once we reached orgasm, we simply finished and went to sleep.

I didn’t really believe I could experience more pleasure during lovemaking; it always felt pretty good. But when I discovered Tantra and had my first Tantric lover, everything changed. So many aspects of my experience transformed, and I want to share with you what made such a difference for me.

1. Firstly, I began shifting my focus away from genital touch, penetration, and rigid goals, and instead embraced a more subtle, energetic approach to intimacy. Traditional forms of sex can be quite linear and masculine, often placing undue pressure on women, making us feel like our partners are simply trying to “make us wet.” While this can lead to pleasurable moments, it often overlooks the fact that the body may not be ready to open up yet. True intimacy requires honouring and a worshipping of the body first, creating a space where genuine connection can flow. // When I had my first Tantric lover, we didn’t even begin making love until I was practically begging for it, and the depth of pleasure that opened up for me was extraordinary… I’ve since learned that as women, we need a minimum of 20 minutes of foreplay. But what does that really mean? It’s not about someone vigorously focusing on your clitoris or breasts; it’s about a complete worship of the body. It involves slow, sensual touch over every inch of skin, allowing energy to flow and sounds to emerge, cultivating a loving, safe and open space that is connected to the heart.
2. Actively participating  in the foreplay process—we’re not just lying there while the man tries to open us. We’re moving, breathing, focusing on sensation, and fully embodying the experience. Men get immense pleasure from our pleasure, so when we show them how much we’re enjoying it, they love it. They can feel the effect they have on us, sense how much they’re turning us on, and it becomes this beautiful, erotic dance of two beings coming together and building energy. // So many women think something is wrong with them because it takes time to feel wet. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you… The problem is that pornography and mainstream education teach shame, not worship, and encourage rushing straight to the genitals. Sex is often treated as this goal-driven act, focused on achieving orgasm, rushed and disconnected. In reality, it’s one of the most potent healing modalities and sacred experiences available to us.
3. Shifting my approach on sexuality from a goal-oriented and masculine perspective to a more circular, whole-body experience. For women, our sexual centre isn’t where our power lies; that’s in stark contrast to men, for whom it serves as their primary power centre. Men often operate from the inside out: when you stimulate their lingam, their hearts begin to open. If they understand Tantric principles, they can then use the breath to circulate orgasmic energy through their whole body. On the other side of the coin, women begin by circulating energy from the outer parts of our being first, creating a rich tapestry of sensation and establishing a connection to the heart, which in turn opens our sexuality. // As women, our skin is our most sensitive erogenous zone, yet many men often jump straight to the nipples or clitoris—one of the biggest complaints among women I’ve worked with. This approach can hugely limit a woman’s capacity for pleasure—if her heart is not opened first through loving, sensual touch, her yoni will not be truly ready for penetration. // This can create a lot of confusion for men. Their sexual pleasure typically stems directly from their lingam, so they assume we operate the same way, when quite the opposite is true. When you notice your man moving too fast, try to stay loving and understanding. Gently guide him into slowing down, asking for whatever you need without judgement or shame. Men and women are simply wired differently, and when we honour each other’s unique needs, we can create a much deeper, more passionate and pleasurable connections.
4. Connecting with myself deeply as a woman. Establishing a deep connection with yourself, so you can truly sense when you’re ready for your Yoni to be touched or penetrated. Many women believe they are ready for penetration after just a few seconds of rubbing, however, this often stems from a state of numbness and disconnection from the body. Each time you allow yourself to be entered before you’re genuinely ready, you can unknowingly cause significant harm. Embracing a deeper connection to self not only enhances your pleasure, but also honours your body, ensuring that every intimate experience feels safe and enjoyable.
5. Digesting trauma and understanding how healing it connects with my freedom and sexuality. For many women, as they begin to deeply tune into their bodies—sometimes for the first time in their life—past traumas can surface, especially from being entered too quickly. These traumas can be so deeply suppressed that you may not even realise they exist; this is the body’s way of trying to protect you. These traumas aren’t always the man’s fault either. As I said above, a woman who isn’t fully attuned to herself may not even recognize she’s not ready to be touched or penetrated. // When I began to connect with myself and my sexuality on a deeper level, many hidden traumas surfaced. This is where cultivating a deep and connected self-pleasure practice became an essential pathway in helping me reconnect with my body after feeling so disconnected from it. // Taking the time to really explore my body and touch myself slowly made such a difference. I let myself explore any fantasies or desires I had, really getting to know myself and my body on a deeper level.

Healthy sexuality and being orgasmic is all about how connected you are to your own desires and sexuality, and then sharing that with a compatible partner. Sexual compatibility is so important; if one person is into kink and domination, while the other craves mysticism, subtlety, and softness, that is an incompatible partnership. If you want to experience Tantric lovemaking and full-body pleasure, your partner needs to be compatible with you, understand how the female body works, and either already be Tantric or open to Tantra.

As I mentioned earlier, for women, it’s the heart that ignites our sexuality. If our hearts aren’t open, we’re not fully open sexually. Feeling safe and emotionally open is key, and one of the most powerful ways to open a woman’s heart is through romance. Unfortunately, one of the first things men tend to stop doing as a relationship progresses is being romantic.

Women need romance, novelty and excitement!

There’s an interesting dichotomy at play here: on one hand, we long to feel fully chosen and committed to, yet we also need spontaneity and a space to ignite the sexual spark. For the novelty of the sexual flame to stay alive, distance and romance are essential – it’s this balance that keeps the excitement and passion alive.

When I say space, I don’t just mean physical distance. You can create space energetically, by staying sovereign and autonomous in your own being. Yes, physical distance can heighten desire, but you can also have togetherness and distance at the same time. You can be close to one another and still maintain a sense of separation by staying attuned to yourself first and foremost… by remaining your own person.

To summarise, feeling safe and fully chosen is key, but so is keeping the spark alive with novelty and romance. That means creating intentional space – not just physical space, but emotional and energetic space too.

What I would love you to commit to if you’re serious about becoming more orgasmic as a woman, is to be present with sensation – both in and out of the bedroom. 

When I say orgasm here, I’m not just talking about a clitoral orgasm—though those can be great too, as long as you’re not stressing or tensing up to achieve it (which many people do). A Tantric orgasm is something deeper. It’s about connecting with your heart and engaging with breath, sound and movement.  It’s about channelling energy from your heart and into your beloved’s, fully receiving his Lingam into your body, and circulating that energy – creating a flowing circuit of pleasure between you… It’s a deeply responsive and embodied experience – not an isolated event. 

You can become orgasmic almost immediately by breathing pleasure through your body and heart, awakening every part of your being. Women have thousands of nerve endings from the clitoris and nipples that extend throughout the body, and these are the areas a man needs to touch first, before moving to the primary erogenous zones – turning us on from the outside in.

For many women, the reason they can’t access pleasure in the bedroom is because they’re disconnected from it outside of the bedroom. It’s so important to be present with sensation in your daily life, as this naturally carries over into lovemaking. Otherwise, when you step into the bedroom and suddenly try to be present and feel sensations deeply, you’re likely to get stuck in your head because you’re not used to experiencing life in this way. When you’re fully present and connected to your body in both life and sex, you start to experience life in its full ALIVENESS!

When a man can feel that energy of presence and fully-body pleasure alive inside you, it makes it a lot easier for him to open into that energy. So ladies, don’t depend on the man to bring the Tantric and orgasmic energy to you – you bring that energy to yourself! 

I’ve often been asked by women, “How do I talk to my partner about my needs and desires in the bedroom?” or “How do I get my partner to be more Tantric during sex?” The answer isn’t about controlling the situation or finding the perfect moment with the right words. Instead, it’s about embodying the natural flow that comes when you’re deeply attuned to your body during lovemaking.

Even though all my lovers have been Tantric, there’ve been moments with all of them where I’ve needed a bit more attunement. In these moments, I could have a conversation with them, listing all my needs in the most loving way, but for me, that doesn’t compare to simply being present in the moment and honouring my experience as it unfolds.

For example, if I’m with my partner Metisse and he’s feeling particularly turned on, with a wild, primal energy that’s moving a bit faster than I’m ready for, in that moment, I’ll lovingly ask him to slow down. Or, if we’re kissing and touching, and he moves to my yoni before I’m ready, I’ll ask him to focus more on the rest of my body first.

This approach feels natural and unforced, keeping the mystery alive and allowing the initiatory energy of the priestess to flow. Through her own embodiment, she invites the man to meet her where she is, fully present in the moment.

Some of my favourite practices to support a deepening of your lovemaking into more attunement, presence and pleasure are:

1. Massage: When I ask women what turns them on the most, the answer I often hear is massage. Being touched all over with oil, feeling the sensations, the warmth, the connection, and the man’s worshipful devotion, truly opens a woman’s entire body. Experiment with different types of touch—fiery, deep, soft, slow—and incorporate elements like fruit, feathers, blindfolds, or hot wax to truly heighten the experience.
2. Yab-Yum: This is a powerful practice of embodying presence, relaxation, and deep intimacy. The masculine energy anchors stillness and deep presence, while the feminine flows with creativity and life force. In this position, the masculine sits cross-legged, offering grounded stability, while the feminine rests on his lap, facing him, legs wrapped around his waist. In this posture, you begin to breathe as one, merging energies and dissolving the illusion of separation, opening to deeper connection, love, and divine union.
3. Macrocosmic orbit: In the Yab-Yum position, you and your partner can move into a practice known as the “Macrocosmic Orbit,” where you circulate energy together in a continuous flow. During this practice, awareness is directed to the movement of energy—rising up the spine and flowing down again in a current of Kundalini energy. This creates a shared, unending circuit between you and your partner, transcending individual sensation. The feminine pours love and energy into the masculine from her heart, receiving his energy from his power centre—his lingam. She then breathes that energy up through her body, returning it back to him through her heart. He receives it, amplifies it, and sends it back through his lingam, creating a beautiful exchange of energy where both partners are giving and receiving.
4. Embracing heart to heart: Though it may seem simple, a deeply loving embrace where your hearts are connected can be a beautiful way to support the feminine to surrender into openness and softness. In this embrace, the masculine is fully present, not just holding her physically but truly feeling her heart, connecting deeply with her emotional and energetic centre, allowing her to feel safe and completely held.
5. Fantasies and Desires: Speaking into fantasies and desires can be a powerful practice that deepens connection and releases shame. By openly sharing with each other, you create a safe, judgement-free space, allowing you both to feel seen, honoured, and fully accepted.
6. Sounding: If you’re not connected to your sound, it can create a significant block in your pleasure… Pleasure and sound are deeply intertwined – making sound tones the vagus nerve, which relaxes the body and allows you to expand into greater pleasure. If you struggle with letting out sound during sex, make it a practice to focus on movement, deep breathing, and sounding, as all of these are powerful portals into deeper relaxation and heightened pleasure.

What truly helped me connect with my sexuality and transform sex from a simple act of flesh and friction into a multi-orgasmic experience of deep connection, were practices like those we offer at our workshops and retreats. During these events, you’ll experience what it’s like to be touched slowly and with deep attunement, to see the divine in another, and to journey to mystical places together.

We also focus on releasing trauma from the body each day and sensitising the body through various Tantric practices. This process expands the body and nervous system’s capacity to truly FEEL, awakening a deeper connection to pleasure and aliveness throughout your whole being.

Pleasure is deeply connected to feeling—the more you open to life force energy, the more pleasure you can experience. We often associate pleasure and desire solely with fantasy or sexual experiences, but it doesn’t have to be that way—you can connect with pleasure and desire in every area of your life, beyond touch and sexuality.

If you feel called to join us in the space and deeply explore your pleasure and sexuality, you can check out our upcoming in-person events by clicking here.

Alternatively, our Sacred Sexuality Online Course is an excellent resource for those wanting to connect more deeply with themselves and their pleasure but are unable to join us in person.

If you have a history of sexual abuse or trauma, where your body was intruded upon or opened before you were ready, deeper healing is essential. Change doesn’t happen in the mind alone—embodiment is key. Sacred Sexuality online course is specially designed to help release the blocks in your body that prevent you from opening into your full aliveness and pleasure. Use code SACRED50 for 50% off – click here to claim.

For those who’ve already explored this and want to go further, our Practitioner Training offers a whole new level of mastery. If you’re ready to enhance not just your life but others’ lives as well, you can sign up for our 2025 Practitioner Training. This training will undoubtedly transform all areas of your life, including your lovemaking and connection to pleasure and sexuality – click here to learn more!