Attuning to the Feminine & Masculine Energies in Tantric Lovemaking

There came a time in my tantric journey when I realised how important masculine and feminine polarity is in order to maintain sexual chemistry and attraction.

My conditioned perception of what it meant to be feminine was mainly based on my appearance and a torturous process of trying to always look perfect. High heels, padded bras, perfect hair, full make up, dressed to the nines and seeking the external desire of men to validate that I was sufficiently in my feminine radiance.

Tantra however, taught me that being in my feminine is about much more than what I look like. It is about having an open heart and feeling Radiant from the inside out. Whilst I still take pride in what I look like, I don’t go to any of the extreme measures that I used to go to in order to look “the part”. I dress a lot more comfortably, tossed the heels and padded bras, I wear nowhere near as much make up, I feel beautiful on the inside and at 41, I feel sexier than ever!

So many women set forth on a mission to appear more feminine by changing their hair, their body shape (with diet or surgery), their shoes and handbags, and even their tone of voice. 

That’s not it! Being in your feminine is about living with an open heart. Tantric lovemaking will teach you this more than any other practice. When I say lovemaking, I don’t just mean in the bedroom. When you are in your true feminine essence, you are making love to all of life!

And as for men, a lot of men think being in their masculine just means getting shit done. This does create polarity, however a deeper part of polarity for a man is when they can ravish us with their penetrative energy and understand that, just like the heart is a woman’s power, the genitals is a man’s power. Being in your masculine power as a man means not only penetrating into the world, but also, penetrating a woman with love, receiving from his heart and channelling that through his cock.

In this week’s blog I further explore the feminine and masculine energies present in tantric lovemaking and how you can work with these polarities to more deeply attune to each other.

Tantric Lovemaking

Tantric Lovemaking is like an erotic meditation.  It requires presence and full embodiment.  Unlike the overly masculine approaches to sexuality that we see so often (goal oriented genital orgasm, pornography, abstinence or celibacy), Tantric lovemaking is much more feminine and could be described as a deep surrender into the mystery.

Indeed, there is no difference really between the feminine and sexuality itself. A feminine body is a round, fluid, undulating ocean of sexual energy that wants to move in an undirected and explorative way.The feminine principle, just like Tantric lovemaking, isa gateway into the body.  We are not needing to achieve a result, peopleplease or get something from others; ratherwe are feeling that sexualityis connected to our hearts and souls.  We are feeling thatwhen we enter someone or someone enters into us,this is a gatewayinto the inner mysteries of the Divine Feminine.  With thismore conscious and devotional attitude to the act of lovemakingthat Tantra invites, the masculine penetrative principle, when directed with presence, respect and awareness, claims and ravishes the feminine into deep surrender.

To really discover Tantric sexuality, like all spiritual practice, it starts with a looking inwards. It’s an opening of our eyes into the beloved’s eyes and feeling deeply what is moving in our bodies – emotionally, physically and energetically.We need to feel ourselves from the inside out, which is the opposite of what most of us experience because we are so attached to a result, to our partners, to a lot of sensory stimulation and as a result, our sexuality can become so externalised.

In the act of Tantric lovemaking, the natural movement is very much like a river; a fluid, spiralling, circular movement, not at all what we see in the porn movies, which is the back-and-forth, pumping movement, very goal-oriented toward the genital orgasm.  Our bodies really deeply relax and surrenderinto the soft, fluid unwindingjourney of two body fully merging. Pleasure is experienced all throughout our body rather than being localised in the genitals.  We connect deeply to ourselves, each other and God.  It is difficult to describe in words because really, Tantra is understood through the body.

Understand the Difference between Masculine and Feminine Sexuality

Feminine sexuality is generally slower than masculine. 

Male sexual energy flows from his sex centre, from his lingam.  This is his place of power, his positive pole, which means his initial turn on happens in the pelvis.

Feminine sexual energy on the other hand, flows from the heart. The heart is her place of power, her positive pole. That means her initial turn on happen in the heart. 

This is why, as women, it is crucial that for us to feel aroused, throughout our whole body and ready for penetration, our hearts have to be turned on. Once we are caressed slowly, once our bodies, our breasts, our hearts are activated, then our yoni will open naturally. If a man goes towards our yoni too soon; or we try to receive penetration before we are juicy and ready, or we are lubricated superficially, then we just close off and completely disconnect from our feminine surrender.

Over time, in relationships, especially long-term relationships, there is an increasing reluctance in women to make love, and normally, men are the ones who want to have sex more often than women. Why is that happening?  With time, men become complacent and even we become complacent. We spend less and less time on sensuality, on arousal, on preparing ourselves to make love.  It becomes faster, more rushed and less connected with the heart.

A good sign that you are jumping too quickly into sex is if you are using lubrication.  Our bodies are designed to start producing lubrication in the exact amount that we need, when we are ready. If we are not lubricating, it means that our yoni is not open and we are not ready.  Listen to her!

If we really listen to the clear signals that our body is giving us, rather than jumping ahead or trying to please the man, ironically the man will enjoy sex much more!  This is because when we are authentically open, we surrender into full bodied bliss and multi orgasmic states – which men absolutely love! We also develop deep trust, which they also like.

Unfortunately, we are so conditioned to focus on our partner and their pleasure, that we don’t attune to our bodies.  We don’t make our ‘no’ more important than his ‘yes’.

How do we stay attuned to our bodies so that we honour our yes? We first need to be in our own body. This is when we become very present. After some time, once we’ve established this deep connection with ourselves, through that presence we become acutely aware of what’s happening within our partner, in their body.  The more attuned you are to you, the more attuned you will be to him.

A man does not need a long time to become aroused which is why it is so important for a man to stay attuned to a woman.  To ask permission verbally or energetically before entering her and to feel into whether she is open, juicy and ready.  A man should never enter without permission and should always honour a woman’s request to stop or slow down.

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During our upcoming retreats, Being Man and Being Woman, you will receive an initiation into manhood and womanhood so that polarity and Tantric lovemaking naturally flow! 

With Love

Xx Chantelle