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Like most people in our culture, I feel that I have often fallen into the category of having an overdose of masculine energy.  Recently that has been changing A LOT and I feel all the happier for it.

When I am in my feminine, my overall energy is softer, more open, nurturing, trusting, loving and surrendered. I feel connected to my loved ones and really able to go with the flow in trust and gratitude – allowing my intuition and body wisdom to guide me. I feel sensual and as though I’m having a love affair with all of life. There’s this wave like current I’m riding which is ecstatic yet grounded. 

In contrast, when I’m in my masculine I feel very focussed, rational and action oriented. My focus is on getting things done and providing stability. As he “grows up”, I’m relaxing more and letting my feminine lead. He takes action based on her intuition, feelings and visions. He’s getting quieter and slowing down, which makes life more fun, easeful and balanced.

Since my last visit to India for our Being Woman Retreat, the realisation that I need to flow more with my feminine, which is not new, dropped in at a whole new level. 

Since then, I have been travelling more, playing more, trusting myself, following my bliss, setting boundaries where I need to and following my heart over my head. Not without kicking and screaming at times – but I’m getting it. I’m getting the balance!

A big part of my commitment to letting my feminine lead is keeping my heart open, even during challenging moments. This is difficult yet so rewarding. 

In the past, when a ‘heart challenge’ arose, I would automatically, unconsciously put up defences and shut down in an attempt to protect myself. But now, I attune deeply to my emotional body, trusting that my emotions are communicating with me what I need.

I feel so much more willing to enter the unknown with curiosity and make vulnerable requests rather than close down for several hours or even days. 

I have unpacked many of my relational patterns. When they arise, I now have compassion and ease with myself, noticing where my default wants to take me, and deliberately choose instead to STAY OPEN.

My masculine awareness is heightening and my feminine finally can relax and feel trusted by him. It is a beautiful dance and balance.

* * *

We all have both masculine and feminine energies.

When they are in balance, our masculine is focussed and operates from an inner clarity that cuts through the bullshit and gets things done; while our feminine is open and receptive to the joy, love, beauty, intimacy and creativity that flows within and without.

However, when we polarise into one of these, which is usually our gender role, we do not feel whole and look for the missing part.

When the masculine runs the show, life can get pretty hectic and we end up exhausted. There comes a tipping point when achieving goals turns into work obsession, burnout and a total disconnect from our emotions, our heart and our joy.

We have to achieve our goals at all cost and we drive ourselves to the ground. We run on adrenaline & dopamine – the excitement of the chase. Our relationships and family life suffer and our mind is constantly in overdrive.

If it is the feminine that is running the show, your emotions are taking over your life and you may feel depressed or anxious to the point that there are some days you don’t even want to get out of bed. You struggle to create structure, you are afraid of losing love & you either end up becoming “graspy” or withdrawing completely from love.


In relationships, The Feminine pole needs and seeks safety and protection while the Masculine pole needs and seeks nurture, support and trust. Being complementary, these polarities attract and rely on the other to provide what is missing.

This breeds dependency in relationships where we fall into patterns of making the other responsible to make us feel better (our saviour) or of making them wrong when we feel upset (our enemy). This dynamic adds fuel to the existing gender wars.

How do we end this?

Moving beyond gender roles and cultivating a healthy inner union of our masculine and feminine we create safety for ourselves and have healthy boundaries as we can be present and witness without judgement.

The video at the end of the blog below teaches you tools to develop healthy boundaries within relationships.  If you are someone who care-takes others’ feelings, tolerates too much or finds it difficult to set boundaries in a way that you are felt and heard, then this video is probably exactly what you need!

We can also nurture and support ourselves with loving compassion. This allows us to show up for ourselves and others; to connect with love, kindness and grace; to choose relationships from a heartfelt desire to experience union instead of needing to fill a void.

Tantra steps in, as the portal into balancing your masculine & feminine energies so that you can live in your ease, joy, flow & power.


In Hindu Tantric rituals one always finds the symbol of the Lingam (depicted as an oblong stone) resting vertically in a bowl representing the Yoni.  Offerings of milk are poured over the Lingam and come to rest in the Yoni.  The Lingam maintains its rock-like, one-pointed focus while liquid flows over it – the same as the healthy masculine remains steady regardless of the experiences that life/the feminine brings.  She, the feminine, is this bowl that contains all the moving waters of life. This ritual is an invitation into full integration of the Deep Masculine and Feminine within us, and the discovery that they are not, and never have been, separate.

The common image of Yab-Yum from Tibetan Tantra also depicts integrated divine union. The Dakini (feminine spiritual principle), sits on the lap of the Buddha (masculine spiritual principle) with her legs wrapped around him. He is as black as the night sky and she is voluptuous and radiant in her nakedness. Together they are one being manifested in apparent opposites. The second image of Yab-Yum is that of Shiva (the masculine deity of Hindu Tantra), who is the keeper of space or pure consciousness, in embrace with his consort, Shakti (the Mother of all of Creation) who is an expression of all Creative/Sexual power.


You can also try the following practices to further develop your inner union and embody your inner relationship between your own masculine and feminine:

  1. Ask Yourself – Who Mirrors Your Contra-Sexual Self?

Reacquaint yourself with the men who have had the most formative impact on your ideas of masculinity (lovers, ex-lovers and husbands, fathers and other familiars, teachers, colleagues and friends).  They will mirror your contra-sexual self.  The men and women who are closest to you in this present time will be the clearest representation of your inner feminine and masculine now.

  1. The Inner Masculine and Feminine Romance

See your masculine and feminine in your imagination.  What do they look like, what is their posture in the world, what are they doing?  Then let them meet.  How do they relate to one another?  Are they connected?  Now, let your masculine and feminine talk to each other and check in with one another. What do they need?  Let them communicate this to each other.  Trust your imagination and intuition in this process and see what unfolds as you get to know these parts of you.

  1. Reflect on your Masculine and Feminine Qualities

Look at our previous blog “The Healthy and Unhealthy Masculine and Feminine: An Easy Guide” to understand both healthy and unhealthy qualities for your Masculine and Feminine and journal about them. Get to know these qualities and bring some awareness to where they show up in your life. When you notice the ‘unhealthy’ qualities, bring some awareness and compassion to these traits, rather than resisting or judging them – the first step to transforming your Shadows.

* * *

If you’re looking to explore these practices further, then our upcoming Being Woman and Being Man retreats will activate powerful archetypal energies within you that will help you to become a better Lover, Mother/Father, Priest/Priestess, Sister/Brother and Warrior.

These energies culminate to the Queen/King who is here to serve and awaken the full embodiment of united feminine and masculine energy on the planet.

For more details click on the links above or contact our Event Manager, Tara Meegan [email protected].

With Love,

Xx Chantelle

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QfwmNuXh4M[/embedyt]

Picture of Chantelle Raven

Chantelle Raven

Chantelle raven is a gifted healer and sought after international speaker on sacred relationship and sacred sexuality. Her mission is providing education in radical self-responsibility and the sacred dance of masculine and feminine within and without.