Last week we spoke about building a high level of self-worth through cultivating your own healthy masculine and feminine energies within and no longer relying solely on the external world for happiness and love; instead creating love and happiness from WITHIN YOU, first and foremost.
If you missed that blog, I recommend reading it before this one: “Unlocking your True Self-Worth”.
Another significant step on this path towards loving yourself and knowing your worth, is choosing a relationship that is in full resonance with every part of your being. That means there is an alignment of all three centers: animal, head and heart.
What does this look like? You enjoy the same things, you feel safe together, you feel valued and seen, you’re both passionate & playful together, you’re attracted to each other, your heart is open and your true needs and desires are being met.
Unfortunately, many people don’t love or value themselves enough, resulting in the belief that they don’t deserve any better than a mediocre relationship. This can be a conscious or unconscious belief, meaning it may be something you actively think or it may be hidden. Although these unconscious thoughts may be hidden to you, they still have the power to influence your thoughts and behaviors… without you even realizing it.
So, pay attention to yourself and how you’re really feeling – do you feel held, unconditionally loved, seen, happy and safe in your relationship?
If the answer is no, then it’s time to take some action by either making a request, setting a boundary or ending the relationship.
You see, by loving yourself enough to end a relationship that is causing more harm than good, you’re recognising your own self-worth and setting the bar for any future relationship you might attract into your life…
When you honour and love yourself unconditionally, knowing that you deserve no less, you naturally attract a partner who unconditionally loves and honours you.
If you don’t unconditionally love and honor yourself, it’s likely your partner won’t either. This then perpetuates a vicious cycle: when you lack self-love and have a diminished sense of self-worth, you tend to attract partners who fail to appreciate your true value. Consequently, choosing to stay in a relationship where you aren’t valued often leads to you valuing yourself even less, and so the cycle continues…
If you feel as if you’re trapped in this cycle, start by acknowledging that you deserve better… you deserve everything your heart desires. You are fundamentally worthy of receiving healthy, passionate and unconditional love.
The next step is having the courage to say NO to any relationship that isn’t honouring you and boosting your self-worth. You can find more guidance on this topic by reading one of my earlier blogs “Boundaries Start with you: Self-Love and Knowing your Worth”.
It’s also important to note that whoever you attract as a partner is often closely connected to the love you received from your mother or father growing up. As a woman, receiving unconditional love and consistent emotional support from my father taught me to never tolerate anything less from the men I was with. If they didn’t fully choose me and fully love me, I wouldn’t stay in the relationship.
I’ve worked with hundreds of women now, and a massive recurring pattern is the belief that they aren’t worthy of being fully chosen, loved and met by their partners. In most cases, this stems from a lack of presence and love from their fathers.
They never/rarely received healthy love from the man who raised them and had the biggest influence in their life growing up, so they lack any examples of healthy love to draw from in their relationship.
This is also true for men but in the reverse… if they didn’t receive unconditional love and support from their mothers growing up, they often attract women who don’t give them unconditional love and support.
My father also taught me from a very young age that sexuality is sacred. I deeply understood and acknowledged within myself the significance of sharing my sexual energy. As a result, I only chose to make love to man when love was present. If I didn’t feel loved and honored by him and also feel love for him, then I didn’t make love or share my sexual energy with him.
Because I was raised in this way, I didn’t have my first relationship until I was 19, and we waited 8 months before making love. By understanding the impact of sharing sexual energy from such a young age, I avoided a lot of the emotionally harmful situations many women go through when they have sex without meaning and love.
In my earlier years before Tantra, I never thought the way I was raised to view sexuality was unusual. However, after witnessing many teachers educating on sacred sexuality, and later teaching about it myself, I realised how many men and women held very little worth and value in their own sexuality.
Especially as women, we need our hearts to be open fully before our sex centres can open. Men are different in the way that their sexuality opens first, and then their heart opens. Because so many people aren’t educated on what healthy sex looks like, a lot of women end up in sexual situations that leave them feeling very low in their self-worth. This is because safety isn’t created and they aren’t being held in love, with men often rushing them and moving a lot faster than they are truly ready for.
A lot of women don’t realise the damage this is doing until after the fact, because a lot of women are completely disconnected from themselves during sex. Often storing the emotions that come with feeling unsafe and uncared for during sex in their bodies. Suppressing them within until they either come out in a huge meltdown or just slowly eat away at them.
Sacred sexuality always involves the heart. It is also foundationally based on the polarity between the masculine and the feminine. Masculine energy is usually most present in men and feminine energy is usually most present in women. However, this polarity between masculine and feminine is still present in queer couples; one person often embodies a more masculine energy, and one person embodies a more feminine energy.
During lovemaking, this polarity between masculine and feminine involves the masculine holding space and creating safety for the feminine, bringing in the power of loving presence. This then creates safety for the feminine to surrender and experience being fully held.
If you’d like to read more on Tantric lovemaking and creating polarity check out our blog post “The Secrets to Romantic Chemistry”.
Additionally, if you’re a woman who wants to dive deeper into understanding your self-worth and learn more about how to express yourself with confidence and love, watch the replay of our live “Clear Communication for the Confident Woman” by clicking here.
